So it happened. I've had sex and lost my virginity! :-) And it ended up being with Z...
Things between us have been going well since my last post although we do have a very complicated and odd set-up. Not bad, just odd! And complicated, which makes it quite hard to write about!
In short, he's been an absolute lifesaver and the best possible friend I could ask for especially at this time when I've been hurting so much as a result of what happened with S. Following on from my last post, he apologized for putting pressure on me and for getting sad about me not wanting to go further with him. The following weekend we spent the whole of Sunday together and had a long chat about everything. I reiterated that I wasn't looking to get into anything with him or anybody for that matter at the moment and that I just wanted to be friends. In return he said how he would love to go out with me but that he knows it's not right for either of us given our age gap. But he said he still loves hanging out with me and spoiling me because he knows where I'm coming from and has been through it all before himself and so wants to help me get out of the rut that I seem to be in with so many aspects of my life (work, love etc).
The complicated part comes with the fact that while we are just friends we still cuddle up on the couch together and kiss! All of my friends think that is just weird and I guess it is. I've spoken to Z about it as well and he agrees; it isn't normal but then again why shouldn't we do it? The fact of the matter is that we feel incredibly comfortable with each other and we really enjoy the comfort that a good hug and a snuggle can provide. That's one of the things I love about being gay - you can easily have these sorts of unconventional relationships/friendships with people. It may seem peculiar to outsiders but if it works for you then why not?
Things are so comfortable between Z and I that we can easily spend 12 hours together doing nothing much more than eating and watching TV. And we both feel like we can chat about anything and everything with each other. He is SO generous as well; we often go out to restaurants and he always pays for everything and when I casually mentioned that I needed to get myself some new gym clothes the next thing I knew he had bought me a full gym kit from Nike! Sugar daddy lol.
As we've spent more time together I've started to like him more and more. He's still not really my type and I don't want a relationship with him but he's an incredible friend and like I said I do feel very comfortable with him. We started to cuddle and kiss more and more and every now and again Z would try push the boundaries a bit but I would always stop him from doing so. For some reason I just had a mental block with him that said I didn't want to go further.
But then last night he had a dinner party at his house with some of his friends and I ended up staying the night. We didn't do anything in bed though apart from the usual cuddling and kissing and eventually we fell asleep. This morning though we carried on kissing. We were both only in our boxers and so there was already a lot of skin contact. And as we spoke it started to dawn on me that maybe this was a pretty good situation to be in. I mean we are great friends, he knows exactly where I'm coming from in terms of my lack of experience and all the hang-ups that come with it, and he's willing to show me the ropes at a pace that I'm comfortable with and without any strings attached. I thought to myself why hold out to have sex with someone else in a more high-pressured situation when I can have sex with Z and make all the mistakes I need to make without any of the embarrassment?
And so soon we were cuddling and kissing but without our boxer shorts on :-) He then went down and gave me a blow job. It was my first and it was ok but to be honest I've never really been turned on by the thought of getting sucked and now that I have been it still doesn't really do anything for me. I returned the favour though and that is more my scene :-) It was the first blow job I've ever given though and it was different to how I expected it to be. I'm not sure how or why but it just was. I enjoyed it though!
I then said to Z that I wanted him to fuck me. He was very keen to do this and so after the necessary prep we were soon going at it. It wasn't extremely sore but it did feel weird; like there was a lot of pressure inside of me and that something was going to burst, which definitely takes some getting used to! Z took it slow though until I got more comfortable. He likes to ram it home though and so it didn't take long for things to get a bit more rough, which I loved! Eventually I came when I was on my back with him pounding away on top of me - and man oh man, it was THE most AMAZING orgasm I think I've ever had!!! :-)
Afterwards, he cooked me lunch and I felt really good and relaxed, as if a big weight on my shoulders had been lifted. I'm not sure what's going to happen next; I don't think we're going to get into a relationship because we both don't feel that that is right for us but I'm sure we will continue to have sex and just be friends.
Not too bad a set-up I think!